5

My Discipline Mistake

Reflecting back, I did a lot of talking instead of modeling. As a logical parent, I thought I could explain the reasoning behind misbehavior & have him realize that his good behavior benefits everyone, including himself.

Well, he is 2 yr.’s old, perhaps I should have demonstrated more & done less talking. It could have saved us lots of timeouts, tears, & sadly occasional spanks. In my quest for a loving & peaceful environment, I never stopped seeking a better method of implementing new behavior strategies and that’s where 1-2-3 magic came in. I modeled it a few times using his toys and it works! No further explanation needed.

I’m grateful for the new found atmosphere in our home & better relationship with my toddler. Thank you God for revealing this book to me.

I got this really neat idea posted below from http://imom.com/parenting/tweens/parenting/training/21-creative-consequences/
#20. When one of my children is acting disrespectful, disobedient, or defiant, I will instruct him or her to choose a chore from the Job Jar. The jobs include scrubbing the toilet, organizing the pots and pans, moving and vacuuming underneath the furniture, weeding the garden, matching up odd socks, defrosting the refrigerator, and cleaning the closet, garage, or under the bed. And those are just a few possibilities. You could add ironing, vacuuming the refrigerator coils, scrubbing the inside of small wastebaskets, polishing the silver, cleaning the window wells, brushing the animals, cleaning the fireplace, shaking the kitchen rugs, vacuuming the couch, alphabetizing the spices, and using wood cleaner on the dining room chairs. Not only does the Job Jar help to get my house clean, but it also keeps my little ones from complaining that they’re bored. They know that with the Job Jar, Mom will always have an antidote for boredom.

2

Positive Discipline

 

I’ve been experiencing power struggles, tantrums, crying, and disobedience with my 2 yr old son. So far, I was unsuccessful and did not see lasting/positive results with timeout, rules, yelling, and occasional spanking. Actually, I despise these parenting methods, they go against the very core in which we all are… LOVE!

I’ve read a handful of parenting books the last couple years and am pleasantly surprised with my current reading of “Positive Discipline A-Z” from Jane Nelson. I wish I had it sooner!! Actually I wish I can instantly transform my parenting into all of the 316 pages in her book!

So far, I’ve tried to “Act, Don’t Talk” more & be more kind instead of only firm. I’m trying to avoid “timeout” so we can focus on the underlying issue beneath the “bad” behavior. I plan to incorporate more of her lessons until I’ve managed to form a loving, cooperate home for him to thrive in!

Dr. Jane’s method is all about respect and allowing your child be who he is while providing long-lasting teachable moments. Life skills children can learn. “Positive Discipline is not about punishment or control. Rather it is about instructing, educating, preparing, training, regulating, skill building, and focusing on solutions. Positive Discipline is constructive, encouraging, affirming, helpful, loving, and optimistic.”

 I went ahead and got “Positive Discipline for Preschoolers” and have found it even more resourceful for the age I’m currently dealing with. If your finding yourself in a similar situation of the awful toddlerhood stage then you have to read this book!

0

To Spank?? Super Nanny Help!!!

[ Update: June 2010  Timeout is not nearly as effective as quickly distracting him to another activity or offering him choices between two things/activities. From what I’ve gathered timeout is really intended for children over 3 years old. I’ve read “Setting Limits to Your Strong Willed Child” and it suggested that I make my point clear of the behavior I want out of him and then offer choices and/or consequences. Although the book is more useful for older children, I did find it helpful. For example, when Ethan whines, I try to distract to another fun/engaging activity and if that doesn’t work or the circumstance doesn’t allow it, I offer choices. Something I often say is, “Ethan stop whining. Do you want to play outside or have mommy read to you a book?” It has been gradually getting better and I do expect it to improve as he gets older.]

Lately Ethan’s been pushing our buttons big time. We try to be patient and talk things out with him yet he purposely disobeys us and constantly whines. Hopefully this is temporary stage that will soon pass. If it doesn’t…there is always daycare to help keep our sanity (just kidding).

As parents we argue back and forth about spanking. I’ve read several books that stated spanking does more harm than good. There is also the old tradition of what our parents did long ago to discipline us…they spanked us and instilled fear into us so that we wouldn’t disobey.

So today we tried “time-out” on our strong-willed soon to be 2 year old. It didn’t seem succesful as my husband constantly handled him down to try to make him be still, all while he is screaming bloody murder! I bet the neighbors weren’t happy.

I often ask myself what happened? We respect him and listen to him and try to comply to his requests. I don’t understand what went wrong? It’s like if he doesn’t get his way 100% of the time, there is no way I could gently explain to him why not because he won’t hear it. These are the times where I wish he was older so that we could communicate better and have the relationship I know we can. Terrible two’s are here and I’m struggling how to deal with them.

I’ve read through the book “Screamfree Parenting” and wanted to post some notes I’ve found useful. It’s mostly geared towards older children and some things I disagree with  but overall parents just want to raise their children to take responsiblity for their own actions.

– He knows and pursues what he wants in life.

– He gladly seeks counsel from others, but ultimately makes up his own mind.

– He demonstrates integrity, a consistency of his beliefs, desires, words, and actions.

– He holds people accountable for their actions but does not blame others for his own problems.

– He does not let others blames him for their problems.

– He gladly and quickly takes responsiblity for his decisions.

– He welcomes criticism as feedback, but des not automatically accept it as truth.

– He takes care of himself in order to be available to others without needing them to take care of him.

There is also a good section of the book called, “Strategies for Success” on pages 122-124 but I’m too tired to write them out. If you want to read it, you can borrow the book from the library like I did or buy it if you want to.